Get Out. Stay Out. Stay Safe. How Not To End Up Assaulted.

In this episode I tell my story of how I messed up on my own rules and ended up assaulted, which resulted in me having a permanent neck injury.  When it is time to move out...get out, stay out, stay safe.  If you must go back to the house for any reason, do so in a way that provides for accountability and protection. 

Transcript

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This is unapologetic parenting podcast dedicated to candidly and unapologetically discussing parenting, divorce and co parenting. We take on the topics most people don't want to talk about and offer support and solutions to help you be a better parent, co parent and human being. Now without further ado, let's get right to it. My name is Carl Knickerbocker. This is unapologetic parenting talking today about a little bit more heavy and personal topic about getting out staying out staying safe. So I royally screwed this up myself, where I got some of my things out during the initial move out process, and had to go back for some other things, I just was able to move out, pack enough in my trunk and try to get out of dodge. But then I was stupid, went back, was going to pick up some other stuff from the garage that was left behind some different family things and just stuff. And so it was supposed to be agreed that no, the garage would just be open, I go pick up some stuff, the kids were over at that house. So I figured, okay, this should be fine. So I go over, I'm just going to pick up stuff. And then everything goes south from there. So I show up, and I end up assaulted. And there's stuff being thrown around the garage and screaming and yelling, even though the kids are right in the house. And I'm like, I'm just here to pick up things I'm going to leave, this is not going to happen. But know, stuff keeps escalating, escalating. I end up getting assaulted, x ends up getting arrested based on both of our accounts to the police. They actually arrest her based on her account because she initially confessed to things. But then of course, change things. And then the prosecutor's office figured Oh, well, a man got assaulted by a woman that can't possibly be anything worth prosecuting. And then it all kind of went away. And I get to live with permanent neck injuries because of it. Yay. So let me tell you, men, women, anyone who's going through the process of moving out, don't go back. Don't expose yourself to any possible situation where you're going to end up getting hurt or assaulted. When you make the move out, if you have the ability to get out while the other person's away or at work or something like that. Pack up, have that plan, have that strategy, have that go time ready, get everything that you possibly can get out, get out, get out, get out, stay out. If for some reason, you do have to go back, go back with someone with you at least one other person who's going to bear witness to things, make sure that you are you know, you're covered with other people's eyes have witnesses there because man or woman, the chances of something really bizarre happening is legit. Or if you're not the one getting assaulted, you show up and your ex is there. And there's no one else there. Well guess what stories are going to start flying. And it's going to be Oh, well he showed up or she showed up and did all these horrible things and all this terrible stuff happened and yada yada yada yada. Or, you know, I'm gonna say guy in this one perhaps could be woman to, you know, equal opportunity for all of this. But you're a guy you show up, the ex decides that she's going to assault you or come at you or something. Well, if you defend yourself at all, and leave any kind of mark or engage in a struggle, and then the cops get called and she has marks in new dome, Guess whose butt is going to jail? Yours Absolutely. Or you show up? And guess what? She's already been hurting herself. She's already been leaving marks. That happens a lot too. She's already decided to leave some evidence on herself or you show up and everything looks fine and oh, here's all the stuff and everything else. And then Off you go. And then she hurts yourself afterward and leaves marks and then calls the cops. And then as your but that gets to go to jail, you show up with witnesses you show up with somebody who says no, I see what's going on. And to corroborate that bring a recording device, have your phone on record, get one of those little handy dandy like 15 or $20, little recorders from whatever store, drop that in your pocket, have it just recording the entire time. So there is some sort of objective record of what was actually said and done during that period of time. Because they're going to make stuff up. I mean, for most of us, we are not shocked anymore, about people's capacity to just completely make shit up, fabricate evidence, make up stories make up complete false accusations over assault and wrongs and all sorts of abuses that just never happened in reality, but people will just make stuff up, especially when divorces involved because it triggers all those abandonment issues. whenever anything involving kids is involved, again, oh, power struggles, abandonment, everything else in money property involved, people just lose their minds over stuff like that, they're going to come up with all sorts of nonsense to accuse you with. So show up with recording device show up with a PAL or two. Don't go alone, don't go into a situation like that alone. Because from experience, I know you show up at a place and you think things are going to be fine. And the kids are there and who would ever do something? Well, the kids are there right in the house, well, I've got the permanent injuries do I support what people can do. And then I know from personal experience, how things can get shifted and changed and twisted, and exploited in order to get out of responsibility afterwards. So when you get out, have your plan set, I'm going to get out and it's going to be I'm going from here to there. And I'm going to take this this is this is the most precious precious essentials. Don't worry about the garbage. Don't worry about plates and cups and all that other stuff. That's what thrift stores are for. You can order a whole set of whatever you need from IKEA or Amazon or Walmart, whatever you can, you can replace all that stuff. You can not replace collapse discs or physical injuries, you can't replace all sorts of stuff. Take the things that are actually precious, you know, if you have some family things, very important. deep personal family history things, whatever have you get that mental checklist, have your action lightning strike plan in place, you grab that you get out you go you stay out. That's it. That is it. Preferably one, move one and done. That's it. But like I said, if you have to go back for any reason, go with a buddy go with somebody with you. I don't care if it's the man or the woman if you have to go back. That's the way to do it. And couple it with a recording device. Because then it's Oh, well that's a his friend. Of course, he's gonna lie. Of course, he's gonna say nothing happened to bah bah, bah, bah, bah, blah, but you know, you've got stuff on recording. Of course, they'll still try to find some way to get around that and oh, what would happen when the recorder was off, you know, they'll there's no end to the shit that they'll make up. So try to have your largest window of recording possible before you even get there through the whole entire engagement and then confirming minutes and well after you left. All of it recorded get a really large span of what you can actually show happened during that time. That's gonna save you a ton of heartache for all the stuff that gets made up by some of these people. So, have your plan. Get out, stay out, stay safe. All sorts of assaults happen after the move out. All sorts of assaults happen during the move out. If you don't have the ability to just grab and go. You're going to need a chaperone for that get some chaperones do the recording. Make it happen. You know if the X is screaming throwing stuff even in front of witnesses fine, record it all. Just make sure you're safe. Make sure what actually happens is documented and then for goodness sake, after you're out, stay away. Stay away, stay away, stay away. If you have an ex that has any kind of showing the being high conflict, mentally disordered, violent, abusive, anything like that, in the past, anything starts happening. err on the side of completely staying away. Don't go back into it, even if all of a sudden they're going to be so nice and oh, well, I have had this change of heart and I've, you know, been converted to the whatever yoga flowery, peaceful, whatever, it's a trap. Don't do it. Don't go back. Stay out. Stay safe. So my name is Carl Knickerbocker. This is unapologetic parenting. I hope you can learn from some of my mistakes. I hope you can also learn from some of the things that we've kind of figured out over time and hopefully, the information that we share can help make your transitions in life be a lot more successful and a lot a lot safer.