Mantras For Dealing With A Narcissistic Coparent

We begin with the principle (the fact) that the narcissist's words and actions are caused by their disorder...not by you.  Their words and actions are disordered, not personal.

From there, we focus our attention on the things we love and the things we are creating.  We avoid mantras and affirmations that refer back to the narcissist because such affirmation work to produce more of the same. Instead, we direct ourselves to the things we love about ourselves, our kids, our home, our lives, and the things we are excited about creating.

Transcript

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This is unapologetic parenting podcast dedicated to candidly and unapologetically discussing parenting, divorce and co parenting. We take on the topics most people don't want to talk about and offer support and solutions to help you be a better parent, co parent and human being. Now without further ado, let's get right to it. Welcome back to unapologetic parenting. I'm your host Carl Knickerbocker. In this episode, we are talking about mantras to use when feeling triggered, bothered by upset by the narcissistic ex, the narcissistic, other parent. So as we all know from experience when we have to deal with these people, boy do they know how to push buttons. They know how to, quote, trigger us, they know how to get us riled up, bother us make us doubt ourselves all these other things. So the question is, what sort of mantras are useful when dealing with a narcissist? Well, I take a little different view on mantras and affirmations, those sorts of things, I think a lot of the common practice behind mantras actually reinforces the negative rather than actually increasing the positive. So I would start with principles. And the first principle that I would start with is when the narcissist is acting out when they are saying what they say, when they are being foul when they're being cruel. When they are lying when they're trying to get some sort of response. The first thing is, we check in with the principle that their behavior is disordered. Their behavior is the product of their personality disorder. It is not personal, it is disordered, it is not about me, it is not about you, it is about their disorder, it is about them projecting or splitting or gaslighting, or all these other things that they do. And so we have to check in with the principal the facts that say, Alright, this other person, they are just acting out from their mess of who and what they are, they are acting disordered from their disorder. From there, we check in with, what do we want to create. And so when we talk about mantras, you can have something that is a mantra that says, You know, I, I control my peace, no matter watch, or no one can steal my piece from me, no one has power over me. And if we're using mantras, and we're using affirmations that are directly tied to the narcissist, if we are using these repetitions, and we are training the brain to use these patterns of language and these mantras, in the context of the narcissist, guess what we are giving reinforcement to all of the mindsets around the narcissist. And when you go a lot deeper and talk about manifesting when you go deeper and talk about using our thoughts and our conscious mind to create through the subconscious mind. When you get into that level of thinking, well, if you are repeating all sorts of messages to yourself about the narcissist, guess what you're going to continue creating, you're going to continue creating situations for that to be true, you're going to continue creating situations in your life, where those mantras get played out as true because I firmly firmly believe that's how the subconscious works. That is how manifesting works. So when we focus our mantras focus our affirmations on others when and especially when we focus our affirmations and mantras on a toxic other or narcissistic other. Guess what, we're probably going to end up creating more of the same. So when we feel upset when we feel triggered, I hate that word. But when we feel triggered, and we feel like oh my gosh, I need to just come back to myself and recenter focus on the things that you want to create. focus on the things that you love. So when they, you know, send a text or they send an email or they say something or do something, and it just makes you be like, Oh, why am I having to deal with this person again, focus on the things that you love. So, focus on yourself. I love myself, I love these things about myself. Check in with all of those things that you are creating in yourself. I love these sorts of experiences. I love my kids. I love being able to develop a home for them. I love being able to grow this life where I get to choose the things that I want. And then get yourself inside of the excitement of being focused on those things that you want to create and go through and Find all sorts of things that you can name and focus on in a positive way, and go through and say, I'm creating this. And I'm creating that. And I love this about my life. And I love that about my life. And I love this about my kids. And I love that they are getting to grow up with health. And I'm so thankful that they are able to grow up with guidance, and love and connection and all these healthy things that I get to provide for them. And focus in on the things that you really, really want to create. Put your focus over as far away from the Narcissus as possible into the new life that you are creating. So if the narcissist is showing up to try to take your attention, trying to divert your attention from your life onto their life, swing at the other direction, put all of your attention over onto your own life, the things you're creating your loved ones, the things that you find most important to yourself, the environment that is probably best to do this is Find yourself a nice, quiet space, get yourself relaxed, lay down, you know, close your eyes, just whatever have you sit in a chair, whatever your you know, comfortable places, get yourself relaxed. And then allow those statements of love and creation and excitement and joy. And just focus on those things that are most meaningful to you. And allow those statements to just sink down into allow them to release into your subconscious repeat them take about a couple minutes to do that. Maybe check in a couple times throughout the day, five minutes, three times a day, just to go over all those things that you love and want to create. And then what happens is you start training your conscious mind, to go to the place of love to go to the place of creation to go to the place of the things that you're truly excited about. Rather than keep going back to the place that you're not excited about in the place that you don't want to go which is down the Narcissus path. So that's my approach on mantras. Start with the principle that whatever they're doing is about their disorder. And so don't focus on their disorder. Focus on yourself, focus on your life, focus on the things that you're creating. And then put your love and attention and joy and energy into bolstering in repeating and training those patterns within yourself that are going to lead you to create the experiences you truly want.